[reposted from April 2010]
No...I'm not talking about vanishing cream like in some fifties B-movies.
How many folks do you know who are chronically ill with a disability that you can't see?
In my case, it's all about the micro-level of activity in my body. Those little cellular buggers just haven't learned to tango with their partners -- many of those 'normal' immune functions that we love to take for granted, just don't show up on my dance floor.
Add to that my stubborn Scot-Irish-Celtic ethnicity, and you've got one plucky chick who doesn't like to look or act sick.
Yeah, I do have my very own oxygen tank, cane, special mask, syringes, vials chillin' in the fridge and enough pills to scare off any prospective life insurance companies, but I try to keep them out of sight until crisis compels me to admit defeat...temporarily.
When remission comes, I'm out walking 2 miles a day and feeling invincible (not invisible). Occasionally I feel so great that I can almost pretend that I've never been sick...most of my life though, I am inching myself along waiting for the promise of those brief periods of respite and energy!
Recently, I've had a big 'come-uppance' in the battle to pretend being normal, and I decided to start posting some thoughts about this baffling and sometimes hilarious roller coaster ride I'm on.
And if there is a B-movie that parallels my life, I'd choose "Invasion of the Body Snatchers".
The immune problems I deal with rob me of the body I can use and enjoy when I feel ok, and frequently I deal with the effects of getting ripped off by my illness-- money spent on therapies...time spent chasing after meds or, in some cases, docs!...focus diverted from career, family, creative projects because of lack of energy and diminished functioning due to the cyclic periods of sickness I have to endure.
It's as though some malevolent force swoops down and snatches me out of whatever I had planned, was in the middle of doing. I've learned to be creative and make up for this by multi-tasking, or by working at break-neck speed when I can perform well.
Talk about stress though. Whew! I feel like I'm constantly having to schedule my life like a student who has a bunch of make-up exams to study for!
Anybody want to trade bods with me? Uh-oh. Somebody on E-bay has probably tried that one already.
No comments:
Post a Comment